i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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