So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
