now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
