The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
