My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
