I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
