i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
