Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
