Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The ass gains better be worth it
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