If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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