it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
