hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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