Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
