It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
