My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
