Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
