I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
