oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How's work?
Spinning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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