Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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