Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
