i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We left the knife in your bed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
