Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
