I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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