This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
