I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
