the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
