a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
