I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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