Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
