I've blown a few things in my day
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
