Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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