You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
