Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
