Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
