you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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