If i come over, it means nothing
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
