I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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