i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
