i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
