just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
