with your own penis?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
