just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
