i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
