in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
