we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
