Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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