I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
