There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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