I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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