Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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